Not only that, we prepared our first bottle of formula ever tonight. For me, that's a big deal. It's sad and frustrating to not be able to provide milk for my baby. It also makes me tired to think that I may have four more months of "treatments" (that really is such a romantic word for chemo and often give the nurses a sinister chuckle when they refer to it as such) depending on how yesterday's PET scan lights up, or hopefully it won't light up at all. But I will do a entire post devoted to yesterday's scan because it turned out to be a pretty cool story.So I have mentioned a few times to others that there really is no privacy for cancer patients - you sit in with a bunch of other chemo patients and hear all of their woes - and it always, I mean always, involves talk of bowel movements. Well, I called Hector the Pharmacist (my current favorite man on the planet (sorry Colin - but anyone that gives me shiny new anti-nausea meds is the man of the hour) over to my chemo station today and discussed a change in meds. The conversation always begins like this: "Hector, my meds ARE NOT WORKING. Please give me something stronger for preventative anti-nausea." And today I was that patient talking about bowel movements for everyone to hear. Did I mention my pride left me long, long ago? It does that with cancer. Right around the time you start chemo and hair starts shedding in droves and your eyes are always blood shot or you have to share openly how many times a week you poop in front of many other people. Yep, I'm pretty humble at this point. So, when Hector offered me an anti-nausea patch to put behind my ear and apologized that it would look a bit odd and did I mind? I laughed. I laughed hard and long and shared that I have no vanity left, Hector. We laughed about a lot of things. Like when he told me to take like six laxative/stool softeners tonight and for the next few days. I had to ask Hector if I could even go out in public in the next few days or should I stay close to home?? And then Hector laughed. Hard. I love Hector - and I just enjoyed his company today - and the prescriptions he sent me home with :)
I think I've had a pretty good attitude so far and I'm allowed a day to have a bad one, right? My white blood cells are hanging above neutropenic (the official term for low white cells), but as the nurse put it today "you don't have many soldiers fighting in your immune system" so avoid sick kids. Insert another cynical laugh :). Also? I have to use a separate bathroom than my family for five days after chemo because the chemicals are excreted in body fluids and I can't let anyone come in contact with that. Oh, and the nurse said no kissing and use condoms. Yep, she did it. Apparently she even tells eighty year old couples to use condoms. I didn't even know how to reply to that one.
This truly is a refining process and if I need four more months of treatment, so be it. I will just be really refined by the end of this, right?
4 comments:
You hit the nail on the head. All forms of modesty are tossed out the window when cancer is involved. I had to bare my breasts to so many people, they became about as private as my nose!
And as for the subject of bowel movements, well...it's the hottest topic of the day in cancer-land. And if you have a normal bowel movement, you are hailed as super star status and all are green with envy....LOL.
It killed me not being with you today. And after hearing about the jovial talk you had with Hector about meds and poop well, I'm just down right jealous!
i have to say you look beautiful. . . radiant even. i think of you often and i keep praying that you'll be done with all your treatments soon. healthy and strong and able to move on with your new refined self :) lots of love to you and your whole family
Maybe I shouldn't have read this the day before my #3? Hang in there, Sweetie. We don't really have a choice anyway, right? Hopefully Hector continues to provide you with new concoctions that make you feel better over time. Praying for you!
I thought modesty went out the window with child birth? That's when mine did! That and incontinence issues after birth...
you definitely have earned a "bad" day and if all you have to gripe about is poop...so be it!
Any woman though that can get her tired butt out of bed, put on makeup, and STILL look as good as you do in this picture, is someone who deserves admiration and respect!!!
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