A Leap of Faith

Not two hours ago, I was wrestling whether to call my oncology advice nurse. You see, I've been having some chest pressure for a few days now and I assumed it was either a cold or pressure from my tumors. The problem is that one of my chemo drugs can cause irritation to the lungs and is to be reported immediately to the doctor. But I didn't want to report it. I want my chemo to continue as usual. On the other hand, I really don't want permanent lung damage. But I do want to kick cancer out, effective immediately. And you can't do that without chemo, right? In the end, I called the advice nurse and found myself minutes later at the hospital getting a stat chest x-ray. Ugh. I knew that would happen. Before entering the hospital doors, however, I sat in my van, held my hand to my sternum (where my largest tumors are) and prayed. Hard. I prayed that God let this be a clear x-ray or something easy, like pneumonia (lol) and not a side effect of chemo. I had to put it all in His hands, you see, because ultimately, that is where my fate lies anyway, isn't it? I am to have my third treatment of chemo tomorrow morning at 7:30 and my prayer is that I get all four drugs. What a roller coaster this whole cancer things is. It's not a ride I would have chosen, but it is one I am learning a heck of a lot through.

And just to lighten things up - here is a uber cute picture of the kids, taken by the uber talented Mindy Strauss.